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A Modest Proposal For Social Security

Mark Jacquith offers a fairly reasonable solution for the looming Social Security crisis:

  1. Stop paying benefits. Unintended perk: old people rioting is like regular rioting, but with canes, walkers, and in slow motion.
  2. Stop collecting Social Security taxes. It’s like giving workers an instant 12.4-15.3% raise!
  3. Use the leftover money for body cleanup. Any leftover money should be used to pay for disposal of all the wrinkled communists who would rather starve than cancel their cable (gasp, and risk missing their “stories”?!). They’re chuckle-worthy when they’re in Wal-Mart talking about the “[darn nicer-word-than-the-N-word-but-not-by-much] ” and “[impolitic word for those adhering to a homosexual lifestyle],” but they have a tendency to stink once they’re dead.
  4. Laminate all Social Security cards. Because you’re not allowed to now, and it would be fun. Also: carry it in your wallet… that’s forbidden too.

Heh. He moves quickly from satire to articulate the objections many in my age group have about the “Ponzi scheme” (his words) Social Security represents. Read the whole thing.

Published in Humor Politics

3 Comments

  1. Anonymous Anonymous

    wait, my SSN card is in my wallet, it’s nice a frayed too. Come and get me copper

  2. Carrie Burkhart Carrie Burkhart

    I thinks this Social security system is a farce. I went to apply for a job today. I have had my card laminated for 15 years and never had a problem w/an employer accepting it. Until today. I guarantee you that if I had a green card and laminated it to protect it from swimming across the Rio Grande that employers wouldn’t have a damn problem w/ it. Communist country!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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