Mark Jacquith offers a fairly reasonable solution for the looming Social Security crisis:
- Stop paying benefits. Unintended perk: old people rioting is like regular rioting, but with canes, walkers, and in slow motion.
- Stop collecting Social Security taxes. Itâ€™s like giving workers an instant 12.4-15.3% raise!
- Use the leftover money for body cleanup. Any leftover money should be used to pay for disposal of all the wrinkled communists who would rather starve than cancel their cable (gasp, and risk missing their â€œstoriesâ€?!). Theyâ€™re chuckle-worthy when theyâ€™re in Wal-Mart talking about the â€œ[darn nicer-word-than-the-N-word-but-not-by-much] â€ and â€œ[impolitic word for those adhering to a homosexual lifestyle],â€ but they have a tendency to stink once theyâ€™re dead.
- Laminate all Social Security cards. Because youâ€™re not allowed to now, and it would be fun. Also: carry it in your walletâ€¦ thatâ€™s forbidden too.
Heh. He moves quickly from satire to articulate the objections many in my age group have about the “Ponzi scheme” (his words) Social Security represents. Read the whole thing.