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Terror, Incorporated

Much has been made in the Right-leaning blogosphere about the recently-translated letter from Ayman al Zawahiri, Osama bin Laden’s #2 man to Abu Musab al Zarqawi, head of al Qaeda in Iraq. The letter, while interesting, tells only half of the story. Iowahawk, intrepid international sleuth that he is, managed to dig up Zarqawi’s notes from a recent al Qaeda get-together, and boy, if he doesn’t sound discontented:

Then Zawahiri stands up and flashes the opening slide: “Restoring the Caliphate: A TQM Roadmap For Strategic Empowerment.”

Oh, man, I think. This ought to be good for some laughs. His big intro?

“Brothers, at the end of the day, to break through the strategic gap, we have to level-set all associates to tee-up a flat, service-focused organizational paradigm with benchmarks for long range results.”

At that point I basically knew where the whole [freaking] weekend was going. So then he trots out his precious freaking ‘Five Point Roadmap.’ Get a load of this [crap], which I cut and pasted from his actual PowerPoint:

  1. Develop Skill-Set Synergies For Expelling Crusaders from Mesopotamia
  2. Achieve Buy-In For Scalable ‘Bleeding Edge’ Regional Amirate Platform
  3. Implement Adaptive ‘Win-Win’ Map To Break Down Intra-Regional Jihad Silos
  4. Champion Mission-Critical Processes For Dis-Implementing Zionist Pigs
  5. Pareto-ize Alpha Office for Stakeholder-Focused Global Sharia Capabilities

Then, I swear to Allah, 58 drilldown slides of this crap. Lucky I was at the back of the room with Minesweeper on my laptop, otherwise I would have volunteered for my own martyrdom operation just to end the misery. Finally, at around 11:30, Fearless Leader opens the floor for questions.

And it goes downhill from there. Heh.

OBLIGATORY NSF* WARNING: Naughty, naughty language contained within that link, but then, what can you expect from a head-lopping terrorist? You’ve been warned.

Published in Humor Military Politics