Laughing At Our Robed Masters

Tuesday’s Supreme Court decision in Roper v. Simmons has me absolutely fuming. The five “all-knowing” justices decided they knew far better than we troglodytic knuckledraggers out here in Red America what constitutes Right, Good and Proper in a true example of judicial overreaching (see here, here (Volokh), here (Beldar),here, here (Powerline) and here (Althouse) for some examples as to why their ruling is sheer and utter bollocks).

In times like this, it often helps to laugh at an otherwise frustrating situation. Luckily, Scrappleface and Iowahawk can be depended upon for precisely that laughter.

Scott Ott of Scrappleface takes on the “drawing the line at 18” aspect: Court Rules Teen Killers Must Slay Adults.

One of the money quotes:

“The court is over-reaching,” said one unnamed member of a Los Angeles street gang. “Are we now supposed to ask for ID when we’re doing a drive-by? This judicial activism is going to create all kinds of delays and backlogs in our business.”

And Iowahawk, in a piece of pure satirical gold, mocks the citation of foreign law in deciding U.S. cases: Court Backs 3-Oxen Dowries.

The entire piece is priceless, but two sections had me in stitches:

Writing for the majority, Justice Anthony Kennedy cited “the weight of the expansive penumbra surrounding the historically emerging and prevailing opinions of tribal shamans from Lesotho to Myanamar” in issuing the historic ruling in American Cattleman Association vs. Modern Bride, Helverson, et al.

In a scathing and sometimes caustic dissent, Judge Antonin Scalia wrote that “Holy. F[***]in’. S[***].”


Besides expanding the rights of male clanspeople in dowry disputes, the sweeping 600 page Supreme Court opinion clarified U.S. law across a broad spectrum of civil, economic and traffic codes. Among the highlights:


In another civil finding, the Court noted prevailing Nepalese-Canadian-Yemeni standards in opening the way for legalized stonings at arranged gay marriages.

The ruling overturned a 7th Circuit decision by declaring “The First Rule of Fight Club” unconstitutional on First Amendment grounds.


In a surprise finding, the Court ruled itself unconstitional; but, citing the tradition of international courts ignoring US court rulings, said that this ruling itself was unconstitutional.

Go ye and Read the Whole Thing[s], for lo, they are good, and funny and necessary.