Monday Morning Funnies

In the mood for some uplifting humor blogging to lighten those Monday morning blahs? Scrappleface and IMAO have the goods for you.

Scrappleface: Troops Shoot Italian Hostage’s Car Despite E-ZPass

Recently released Italian hostage Giuliana Sgrena, a writer for the communist paper Il Manifesto, was injured and a security agent killed when U.S. troops near Baghdad fired on her unidentified speeding vehicle as it approached a security checkpoint, despite the fact that the driver of the car had E-ZPass, according to an unnamed editor at Il Manifesto.

U.S. sources have revealed, however, that due to inadequate funding, that particular security checkpoint has not yet been equipped with E-ZPass technology.

Troops used hand signals, flashing lights and warning shots in an attempt to slow the approach of Ms. Sgrena’s vehicle, whose driver was apparently so intent on finding the E-ZPass lane that he didn’t notice the bullets striking the road in front of him.

Scrappleface: Bush: Syria’s Pull-Out Not Linked to Howard Stern Deal

U.S. President George Bush today reiterated his call for Bashar al-Assad to immediately withdraw all of his troops from Lebanon, but reassured a nervous U.N. Security Council that Syria’s pull-out will not threaten Howard Stern’s satellite radio deal.

“Despite the ongoing SEC investigation into the Stern deal,” said Mr. Bush, “there is no diplomatic linkage between that and my stern remarks about Syria’s treating Lebanon as a satellite state. Let no one misamprehend me.”

A White House news release said the president made the clarifying statement because “apparently Mr. Assad is confused about the meaning of ‘immediate total withdrawal,’ and we wanted to make sure he understands that President Bush is referring to Syria’s serious situation, not the Stern-Sirius situation.”

IMAO: Totally True Tidbits About Knights.

* Knighthood is only bestowed on those men who demonstrate the highest levels of bravery, loyalty, and chivalry. And Paul McCartney, on whom the Queen had a crush.

* An honorary knight is just like a regular knight, in that he’s allowed to wear the really cool armor. However, the honorary knight isn’t allowed to say “Ni!”

* Knights were originally called “nights” because of their almost supernatural ability to fight in total darkness. The spelling was changed because those wacky British are always adding extra letters to perfectly good words.

* Or “wourds”, as they say in England

* They were going to call them “niughts”, but England’s supply of silent u’s was already dangerously low.

As always, those who don’t click the links and Read The Whole Thing™ will potentially lose points on any and all pop quizzes.