Literal Barrage

Regular readers will no doubt recall my previous encounters with Google Voice's automated message taking. It seems as though my experience is not unique, as the New York Times Personal Tech section's columnist published his Voice number and asked readers to give the message transcription feature a run for its money. The results, well, are downright hilarious. E.g.:

we hope you straight to be self evident that all manner created equal apparent out by their creator with certain valuable right the money for like 430 in the pursuit of happiness this is securities rights concert instituted mobile among the and driving their just powers from the content of the covered that whatever any former governor because destructive of the and it is the right people to offer to abolish it thank you and see if you got on the 28th sunday schnitzels cripples organizing powers and such 4 at today i’m sheltie most likely to check to see if you have any

+10 EXP and a bonus to strike for anyone that can name the founding document that comes from. *grin*

Hooray for free time! Huzzah for other people using it to create amusing parodies of old musicals!

Like, zoinks!, Scoob!

As @gruber put it: mesmerizing.

Ahh, reminds me of the days when AndyOne and I knew the Will Smith "Men In Black" dance in its entirety…

"Total Eclipse of the Heart", Literalist Edition:

"Spin around/Ninjas!/Then a bunch of preppies make a toast."

Heh.

People approach me and say "Doug, we haven't seen you post recently. What have you been learning on the Internet these last two weeks that you haven't been posting?"^*

I learned that Matt Mullenweg started WordPress partially of a desire to help out his church.

I learned that one does not mess with Finns named Simo Häyhä, particularly if one is Russian.

I learned that Guy Ritchie is making a "Michael Bay version" of "Sherlock Holmes" ("I command 'Sherlock Holmes' to be awesome"):

I learned that Ted Vigilante is the single best superior court judge name ever and that he will likely have to be played by Chuck Norris, should a made-for-TV movie ever be produced based solely upon his name.

I learned that Sen. Jim "R0xx0r Your S0xx0rs" DeMint is not afraid to drop the XML Bomb on his crotchety Senate colleagues. (I also learned he desperately needs a new headshot that doesn't make him look like a goober.)

Continue reading 'Stuff I Learned On The Internet[s], Recent History Edition'

It ain't Skynet, but Kirk v. Khan as performed by a Kindle and an iPod certainly is dramatic:

Continue reading 'The Machines Are Taking Over'

Dialog, almost verbatim, from last night's bedtime ritual:

Me: [Having just read the story of Moses getting the Ten Commandments from God] What did God tell Moses to tell the people?

Will: …

Me: He said "Do not…"?

Will: Kill!

Me: And "Do not…"

Will: …

My Wife: [Suggesting helpfully] "Do not st…"

Will: Steve!

Me: [Covering my mouth so as to obscure the smile now plastered across it] No, son, God did not tell Moses to tell the people "Do not Steve". He said "Do not steal."

Will: …Oh. Yes, do not steal!

Oh, those crafty, crafty Disney animators:

I recall thinking some of those movies looked very, very familiar the first time I saw them as a kid, and now I know why: I had seen them, albeit in a different form.

First up, the Flaming Bacon Lance Of Death, nuff said:

Next up, Brit scientists prove bacon sandwiches cure a hangover. Oh, bless the Brits!

Lastly, science cannot put a name to the awesomeness of, well, just look:

The Boing Boing commenters on the original story helpfully suggest "Noodledogs", "Cthulhu bits", "hot doodle", "doghetti", "pork calamari", "pighetti" and a whole host of others. Mmmm-mmmm!