Jesus Monster

Pre-K Jargon File

About a year ago, my wife and I were in the midst of watching the classic Stephen Fry/Hugh Laurie-helmed Jeeves and Wooster and we were allowing our kids to watch it along with us. We had been watching episodes each evening and the kids were keeping up well, though one night my at-the-time 2-year-old daughter fell ill. We put her to bed and watched our normal episode or two with our eldest.

The next morning, our daughter arose and demanded she be shown “Jesus Monster”. We scratched our heads in puzzlement until we realized that she was, in fact, asking to see the episode she had missed out on the previous night. In the spirit of the ever-valuable, ever-geeky Jargon File, I decided to catalog the various amusing and/or endearing malapropisms that my children have churned out over the years.

What follows is by no means comprehensive, but merely a sampling of the ones I have been able to jot down, catalog or otherwise remember.

a case with a handle and a hinged lid, used for carrying clothes and other personal possessions.
the chemical element of atomic number 13, a light silvery-gray metal. (Symbol: Al)
Bear Arcade
an improvised barrier erected across a street or other thoroughfare to prevent or delay the movement of opposing forces.
a meal eaten in the morning, the first of the day
detailed information telling how something should be done, operated, or assembled
Gorilla Glue
a brand-name adhesive substance used for sticking objects or materials together, possibly made from actual gorillas.
Great fruit
a large, round, yellow citrus fruit with an acid, juicy pulp.
Jesus Monster
noun (proper)
Jeeves and Wooster*
Kasauce, Vod
a creamy, tomato-based sauce, often used as a compliment to pasta.
Kid Chasm
a summary of the principles of Christian religion in the form of questions and answers, used for the instruction of Christians.
noun (plural)
a glossy red, or occasionally yellow, pulpy edible fruit that is typically eaten as a vegetable or in salad.
noun (plural)
a small cake baked in a cup-shaped container and typically iced.
Robin Noodles
noun (proper, plural)
(in oriental cuisine) quick-cooking noodles, typically served in a broth with meat and vegetables.
noun (plural)
comfortable slip-on shoes that are worn indoors.
small pieces of colored paper thrown during a celebration such as a wedding.

Stupor heroes
noun (plural)
benevolent fictional characters with superhuman powers, such as Superman.
Tuna Half
cardinal number
Roughly halfway between 2 and 3, i.e. 2.5.

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