Understanding Engineers – Take One
Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said, â€œWhere did you get such a great bike?â€
The second engineer replied, â€œWell, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, â€œTake what you want.â€
The first engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldnâ€™t have fit.â€
Understanding Engineers – Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers – Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, â€œWhatâ€™s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!â€
The doctor chimed in, â€œI donâ€™t know, but Iâ€™ve never seen such ineptitude!â€
The pastor said, â€œHey, here comes the greens keeper. Letâ€™s have a word with him.â€
â€œHi George! Say, whatâ€™s with that group ahead of us? Theyâ€™re rather slow, arenâ€™t they?â€
The greens keeper replied, â€œOh, yes, thatâ€™s a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.â€
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, â€œThatâ€™s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.â€
The doctor said, â€œGood idea. And Iâ€™m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if thereâ€™s anything he can do for them.â€
The engineer said, â€œWhy canâ€™t these guys play at night?â€
Understanding Engineers – Take Four
Q. What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
A. Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers – Take Five
The graduate with a Science degree asks, â€œWhy does it work?â€
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, â€œHow does it work?â€
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, â€œHow much will it cost?â€
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, â€œDo you want fries with that?â€
Understanding Engineers – Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, â€œIt was a mechanical engineer.â€ Just look at all the joints.â€
Another said, â€œNo, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.â€
The last one said, â€œActually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?â€
Understanding Engineers – Take Seven
â€œNormal people believe that if it ainâ€™t broke, donâ€™t fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ainâ€™t broke, it doesnâ€™t have enough features yet.â€
Understanding Engineers – Take Eight
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, â€œI like both.â€
â€œYeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done.â€
Understanding Engineers – Take Nine
An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, â€œIf you kiss me, Iâ€™ll turn into a beautiful princess.â€
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, â€œIf you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.â€
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, â€œIf you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, Iâ€™ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.â€
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, â€œWhat is the matter? Iâ€™ve told you Iâ€™m a beautiful princess, and that Iâ€™ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why wonâ€™t you kiss me?â€
The engineer said, â€œLook, Iâ€™m an engineer. I donâ€™t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now thatâ€™s cool”.
Credit: The Daily Brief.
Understanding Engineers – Take One