On Loss, Grief, And Giving Thanks

I’ve been trying to figure out how to write this post for a month now, so I figure it’s about time for me to just go ahead and do it, else I might never blog again. I’ve rewritten this post in my head so many times that I simply need to sit down and spell it all out. It’s been a rough few weeks, so here goes.
We lost our baby the day after Thanksgiving, an occurrence which took the metaphorical wind out of our young family’s sails, to say the least. It’s been a strange grieving process — I’ve felt alternately hyper-emotional and completely detached. Random things will call to mind the baby and bring tears to my eyes, while most of the time, I’m fine. This entire stretch between Thanksgiving and Christmas has been surreal.
Our church provided meals for the first week or so, which was great, but as we plowed through to the 25th, things just seemed “off” to me. I’ve struggled on and off with God over questions of “why?”, “why now?” and “how could a God that is (loving, all-knowing, etc.)…?” but have largely been at peace in the knowledge that He, ultimately, knows what He’s doing. My wife and I have been trying to be more committed to doing Advent every night — reading the progression of passages from the Bible outlining the Old Testament prophecies and the New Testament passages on Jesus’ arrival and, for me, at least, reading about God coming to Earth in the form of a baby has been comforting. It reaffirms the fact that He cares so incredibly much for the littlest ones among us and that He (as we have told Will) needed to call the baby back to Himself early, certainly earlier than we would have preferred.
With the baby dying at Thanksgiving, Paul’s words of 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 have been with me almost continuously:

16Be joyful always; 17pray continually; 18give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

(Emphasis mine.)
This is a tough word in many ways. It’s difficult to think in that manner in the face of adversity, but I feel personally thankful to God for:

  • my wife
  • my children
  • my parents and siblings
  • my church
  • a roof over my head
  • a well-paid contract

…and the list goes on. I have been blessed, truly blessed, and while I don’t, nay, can’t know the mind of God on this, I am comforted and thankful that He is in control.
I’ve felt preoccupied by all these things and it seemed just, well, disrespectful somehow to blog about other things while leaving our loss unspoken. Hopefully I will be able to get back to near-daily blogging again soon.

Happy Thanksgiving, Three Days Late.

I hope all of your Thanksgiving weekends were nice. I spent most of it AFK, as it were. Wife, child and I trekked over to my aunt and uncle’s place in Reading for Thanksgiving Day festivities. In tow we had my wife’s famous cornbread dressing (“stuffing”, to we Yankees), pecan “tassies” (think “miniature pecan pies” made in a mini muffin pan) and my own attempt at a dessert, a pumpkin cheesecake. Based on a crushed Sweetels crust (in lieu of the more traditional graham cracker one) and a whole lot of cream cheese, I thought it came out rather well. Turkey, ham and Titusville Potatoes were in abundance and a good time was had by all.
We stayed the night at my parents house so that my wife could spend Friday in the now-traditional “Black Friday Female Shop-Fest” – and kudos go to her for doing so with a bum foot. Will and I stayed behind at my parents’ house and hung out with my oldest-younger brother for the day.
The rest of the weekend has been largely devoted to cleaning up ’round the ol’ homestead and watching DVRed Mythbusters. Hopefully posting will resume on a regular schedule very soon. I mean, the stress and deadlines can’t continue forever, right?