How To Tell Whether You’re Protesting For The Wrong Side In Several Easy Steps

These days, it seems as if everyone is ready and willing to throw together a demonstration, protest, march, or riot at the slightest provocation: Supreme Court appointments, elections, Presidential visits, the anniversary of Roe v. Wade, sports championships (both won and lost), depictions of Calvin peeing on an effigy of Mohammed, etc. It is a wide and confusing world out there and so you may readily find yourself wondering: “I know I’m protesting, but how do I know that I’m protesting the right side of the issue, instead of the wrong?” You’ll be happy to know that I’ve developed a few simple metrics for determining whether you’re protesting the right things or just simply a raving, if sincere, lunatic.
(56k/dial-up warning: Many images follow in the extended section. You’ve been warned.)

Metric 1: Invoking Nazi Metaphors

Take a quick look around at your fellow protestors. Is anyone carrying a sign that posits their opponent as Hitler?

What about appending/prepending “Hitler” to their opponents’ name[s]?

Conclusion: Wrong side.

Metric 2: “Clever” Letter Substitution

Is anyone carrying a sign that has substituted swastikas or other non-alphabetical characters for letters in your opponents’ name, such as dollar signs?

Swastikas?

Conclusion: Wrong side.

Metric 3: Papier Mache

Are there any giant figures of political personalities constructed entirely of papier mache present at your march?

How about random other figures, similarly constructed?

Conclusion: Wrong side.

Metric 4: Philosophers and Cheese

Is anyone carrying a sign referring to a well-known religious philosopher in a humorous manner whose name many people have heard yet whose works few have read?

Is anyone else expressing their support for a dairy product?

Conclusion: Right side.

Metric 5: Fire

Are any of the other protestors/demonstrators burning anything?

Are they burning crosses?

Bonus points if they’re burning something and it’s constructed of papier mache.

Conclusion: Wrong side.

Metric 6: Masks

Are any of your co-demonstrators in danger of an early death via Hellfire missile should their identities come to be known?

Are they attempting to avoid identification by the police?

Conclusion: Wrong side.

Metric 7: “Constructive” Criticism

Is anyone carrying a sign constructed entirely of LEGO™ Bricks?

Conclusion: Right side.

Metric 8: Yes, But What Do They REALLY Mean?

Listen carefully to your co-protestors. Are any of them chanting “Death to [X]!” or “[X] must die!”?
Conclusion: Wrong side.

Metric 9: The Pigs, The Fuzz, Coppers, 5-0

Are the police there to protect you from others:

…or to protect others from you?

Conclusion: Right side, wrong side, respectively.

In Closing…

So remember, the next time you find yourself at a highly-motivated group gathering, you may use these simple steps to easily determine whether you’ve managed to ally yourself with the right side of any given debateprotest.
[Images gathered from Instapundit, Vodkapundit, Zombie, Google Image Search and Yahoo! Image Search.]