Translation: CNN Headlines To English

I have noticed that CNN/CNN Headline News have begun “tagging” all of their news with helpful chronological crawler/ticker headline messages. These tags allow one to, at a glance, determine approximately how old the news they are being presented with is. However, these messages are not in plain English. In furtherance of a fuller understanding of the news, I present a short guide to interpreting the Headline/Crawler Tagging Lingo.
Breaking News
Refers to something that has occurred within the last hour’s news cycle. You read about it on the Internet 55 minutes ago. May be accompanied by live video of an ongoing event. New information regarding the situation can generally be expected. Can span multiple hours’ news cycles in the event of an L.A. freeway car chase.
Developing Story
Refers to something that occurred during the previous news cycle. Replay of last cycle’s “live” video can be expected. No genuinely new information is typical. Only live video run during segments tagged thusly include talking heads and on-the-scene reporters talking in front of the aftermath of the event.
This Just In
Minor addition or fleshing-out of story that was Breaking News but has passed its Developing Story cycle.
Event occurred more than 6 hours ago. A reiteration of entire situation can be expected, as well as any updates that occurred during the Developing or Just In phases.
Crux of story occurred at least 5 days ago. Expect opinion to be mixed with facts and gauzy voice-overs, all of which is presented as “news analysis”.
I, for one, thank CNN for these valuable cues, as I can now gauge the exact extent to which I should ignore their broadcasts. I hope this has been a help to all you news consumers out there.
Watch this space for the “Weighting The News: A Guide To Taking Fox News At About 45-75% Seriousness And Thus Arriving At The Proper News Importance”.