Al Qaeda Comes Down Against Bending It, For Keeping Sexy Right Where It Was

It seems as if, in a bid for popular American support, al Qaeda operatives have released a video threatening the lives of David Beckham and Justin Timberlake for “corrupting” young Islamic minds.
I, like much of the viewing public, remain mixed in my reaction to this news. On the one hand, al Qaeda. On the other hand, bodily harm to Beckham and Timberlake. If alQ were truly intelligent, they’d release a follow-up mentioning Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan and Michael Vick by name, thus securing the support of roughly 99% of Americans.
In all seriousness, though, what is it with these fanatics? A bigger bunch of cosmic killjoys I’ve never seen…!

Someone’s Getting A Fatwa For Christmas

Imagine my total non-surprise to find out that the man behind Dashboard Mohammed, a bobblheaded version of the now-infamous “bomb turban Mohammed” Danish cartoon, is a former United States Marine (Note to the NY Daily News: There is no such thing as an “ex-“Marine, unless they’ve been disgraced. They’re all “former” Marines.). Guy’s gotta have quite a set of, umm, guts on him to go out on a limb like that.
Be sure to snatch one up for every stocking you plan on stuffing this Christmas. *grin*

A Chilling Vision Of The Future

Author Dan Simmons has penned a riveting short story posited on a time traveler from the future showing up in Simmons’ study offering cautionary tales of the future. A pull quote from the middle of the piece:

I tried to relax. “What do you want to talk about?” I said.
“The Century War,” said the Time Traveler.
I blinked and tried to remember some history. “You mean the Hundred Year War? Fifteenth Century? Fourteenth? Sometime around there. Between . . . France and England? Henry V? Kenneth Branagh? Or was it . . .”
“I mean the Century War with Islam,” interrupted the Time Traveler. “Your future. Everyone’s.” He was no longer smiling. Without asking, or offering to pour me any, he stood, refilled his Scotch glass, and sat again. He said, “It was important to me to come back to this time early on in the struggle. Even if only to remind myself of how unspeakably blind you all were.”
“You mean the War on Terrorism,” I said.
“I mean the Long War with Islam,” he said. “The Century War. And it’s not over yet where I come from. Not close to being over.”
“You can’t have a war with Islam,” I said. “You can’t go to war against a religion. Radical Islam, maybe. Jihadism. Some extremists. But not a . . . the . . . religion itself. The vast majority of Muslims in the world are peaceloving people who wish us no harm. I mean . . . I mean . . . the very word ‘Islam’ means ‘Peace.’”
“So you kept telling yourselves,” said the Time Traveler. His voice was very low but there was a strange and almost frightening edge to it. “But the ‘peace’ in ‘Islam’ means ‘Submission.’ You’ll find that out soon enough[.]”

Go and read the whole thing (Profanity warning: short story contains a goodly bit of blue invective. Don’t let it distract you from the overall point). It’s really too bad that only fiction writers are tackling these issues head-on; personally, I’d prefer generals, Senators and Presidents were doing the tackling for everyone’s sake.

Photoshop Funnies In “Hail The Swirly Cone” Land

Let’s pretend, for a moment, that you are an organization tasked with putting a positive spin on your medieval religion so as to make its largely anti-democratic, misogynist and xenophobic tenets seem almost palatable to Western audiences. However, you’ve also got to save face with your co-religionists and so you can’t be seen showing too much freedom and liberalism in your official communications.
As a part of your misogynist religious policies, you have found it’s useful to keep women “modest” by forcing them to cover all portions of their bodies not immediately needed for breathing, eating, etc. You then hold a press conference where *gasp* a few females’ hair can clearly be seen in official photographs! What to do? The vile female scientific hair rays might inflame the passions of passing viewers! I know, Photoshop hijabs on those rebellious women!
(Robert Spencer has higher resolution images of this insanity.)

There Is No Cone But Allah And Muhammad Is His Fry-Flinger

Have you heard about the latest politically correct kerfuffle involving (and I’m not making this up) British Muslims, Burger King, and a “sacreligious” frosty dessert confection? No? Apparently, Allah is actually a thick chocolate swirly ice cream cone and BK is guilty of depicting him in all his lactose-intolerant glory. A British Muslim noted this obvious heresy, declared a personal jihad against BK and demanded that they change the “offending” packaging so as to not depict the name of his false moon god.
Jeff Goldstein calls BK’s knuckling-under a ceding of iconic linguistic control to the forces of evil while Robert Spencer offers photographic evidence that Allah may, in fact, be a chocolate swirly cone. Additionally, Slim999 offers up a new spin on BK’s perennial favorite among the breakfasting crowd, the Croissandwich“Crescent Roll of Embrace”.
(Ref. Michelle Malkin in re: the Flight 93 Memorial controversy on that last one.)