Stuff I Learned On The Internet[s], Recent History Edition

People approach me and say “Doug, we haven’t seen you post recently. What have you been learning on the Internet these last two weeks that you haven’t been posting?”*
I learned that Matt Mullenweg started WordPress partially of a desire to help out his church.
I learned that one does not mess with Finns named Simo Häyhä, particularly if one is Russian.
I learned that Guy Ritchie is making a “Michael Bay version” of “Sherlock Holmes” (“I command ‘Sherlock Holmes’ to be awesome“):

I learned that Ted Vigilante is the single best superior court judge name ever and that he will likely have to be played by Chuck Norris, should a made-for-TV movie ever be produced based solely upon his name.
I learned that Sen. Jim “R0xx0r Your S0xx0rs” DeMint is not afraid to drop the XML Bomb on his crotchety Senate colleagues. (I also learned he desperately needs a new headshot that doesn’t make him look like a goober.)
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Scenes From A Preschooler’s Bedtime

Beginners BibleDialog, almost verbatim, from last night’s bedtime ritual:
Me: [Having just read the story of Moses getting the Ten Commandments from God] What did God tell Moses to tell the people?
Will:
Me: He said “Do not…”?
Will: Kill!
Me: And “Do not…”
Will:
My Wife: [Suggesting helpfully] “Do not st…”
Will: Steve!
Me: [Covering my mouth so as to obscure the smile now plastered across it] No, son, God did not tell Moses to tell the people “Do not Steve”. He said “Do not steal.”
Will: …Oh. Yes, do not steal!

This Week In Particularly Preternaturally Potent Porcine Products

First up, the Flaming Bacon Lance Of Death, nuff said:

Next up, Brit scientists prove bacon sandwiches cure a hangover. Oh, bless the Brits!
Lastly, science cannot put a name to the awesomeness of, well, just look:
Noodledogs!
The Boing Boing commenters on the original story helpfully suggest “Noodledogs”, “Cthulhu bits”, “hot doodle”, “doghetti”, “pork calamari”, “pighetti” and a whole host of others. Mmmm-mmmm!

Your Daily Dose Of “…What The Crap?”

[With apologies to Scott Johnson, of My Extra Life fame, for his coinage of phrase.]
obama-global-warming-machine

Dear President Obama, what the crap?

Obama Considers Zany Climate Engineering Gadgets to Fight ‘The Warming’.

Obama is apparently considering using a machine that would suck up smog and shoot it into the upper atmosphere—reflecting the sun’s rays—as a way to fight global warming. I’m not joking.

Dear IRS, what the crap?

Tax deductions you’ve never heard of, including allowances for kidnapped children:

Back in 2000, the Internal Revenue Service issued a ruling that members of Congress called “cruel, heartless and anti-family.” It said that parents of a child that had been kidnapped could only claim the child as a dependent for the year in which the child had been kidnapped, not for later years. Congress threatened to write a law to remedy the situation, but the IRS quickly revised its ruling. Now parents whose child has been kidnapped can continue to take all credits and exclusions for which they would be eligible if the child still lived with them, until the child would be 18 years old or is found dead. The one caveat: the child must have been abducted by a stranger and not a family member.

We have a really screwed up tax system…
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